she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
