She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You made out with two different species that night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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