I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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