dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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