i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
