i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
why does every cop we meet know your name?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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