You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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