I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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