I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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