Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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