I accidentally had phone sex last night
I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just found a bag of teeth...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
