please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
