i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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