Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
