The maid of honor just puked.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
