I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
