do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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