Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
