thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
