I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He passed out mid-signature
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
