he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
