I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
being pregnant is like rehab
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
