I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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