I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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