No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
