did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
