how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
