haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
