Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My first STD was from a foam party
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
