Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
