So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
