I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
