Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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