new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
