Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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