what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
