we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
