As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
