he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
