I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
