thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
