just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
