I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
