no, he came in my armpit
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
