just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
