Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
