If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
