We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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