you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
someone owes me an orgasm
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
