awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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