the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
