Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
